Wednesday, August 22, 2007

How can a good God justify sending people to Hell?

Well, perhaps part of the conundrum here lies in the way we phrase that question. I say this because I’m not sure God “sends” anyone to Hell, so much as we choose NOT to accept His invitation to Heaven.
Let me put it this way:

if you invited me to live in your House, but I decline the invitation because I don’t want to be with you, or to live under your “roof and rules”, you can hardly be said to have send me away into the darkness outside; however, once I realize how special your house is, I may regret my decision [i.e. U2 is the house band, Rachael Ray makes all the meals, the Cirque deSoleil performs in between new Wachowski brothers films and demonstrations of the latest gadets from Sharper Image, etc…]. This regret [as well as the fact that there is gigantic fire outside, I’m being gang-raped by bikers, and am in constant threat of vampires hunting me for all eternity] is what makes up the Horrors of Hell.

I know I could have lived with you, but I chose not to and that knowledge torments me. In addition, the Devil and all his fallen angels have been sent to the same spot, and I am now forced to share space with them [hence the vampires and the bikers].

So, it’s not that God sends people to Hell, it’s that they choose to reject Him and once they realize their mistake they’ve entered Hell [both figuratively and, ultimately, literally].

C.S. Lewis hypothesized in The Great Divorce that many people would choose to continue living in Hell even if given many, many additional opportunities to come and live in Heaven because they could not bear the thought of giving up their selfish autonomy; after all, as Dante’s Devil said, “it is better to rule in Hell, than serve in Heaven.”

Sunday, August 12, 2007

kids et al.

no one can ever tell you how much you'll love your children

mine are away right now, with carmel, visiting family and their absence makes me sick. my house feels too big, with too many rooms and not enough of a mess in the kitchen. every morning i wake up in fits and starts, scared because i don't hear the enthusiasm of my son's heavy footfalls accelerating into the master bedroom. every night i dream of the spastic glee of my daughter when i pull her out of her crib, her beaver's front teeth smiling at me like goalposts.

the house feels too cold with them gone, and when i laugh while looking at their pictures i imagine carmel laughing with me and it makes me quickly want to jump on a plane and surprise them.

[i forsee a terrible amount of money being spent spoiling my family when they return]

loving my kids this much makes me realize how loved i was [and am] by my parents. it forces me to relive every moment where i thought they were embarrased of me, or would have been better off without a third son. i realize now that nothing - nothing! - could ever separate my love from my children.

in this way i feel like god

though, it stuns me to think that what i'm feeling is only a splinter's worth of his great affection for us.

at any rate - i miss you 3

love you!

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

color quiz

i took this strange test at and was amazed at the poignancy of the results. i wouldn't totally agree with everything the quiz states about me, but i'd honestly give it a 9/10 for accuracy.


here are my results:

YOUR CURRENT SCENARIO: Willing and adaptable. Only at peace when closely attached to a person, group, or organization on a which reliance can be placed.

YOUR SOURCE OF STRESS: Wishes to be independent, unhampered, and free from any limitation or restriction, other than those which he imposes of himself or by his own choice and decision.

YOUR RESTRAINED CHARACTERISTICS: Willing to participate and to allow himself to become involved, but tries to fend off conflict and disturbance in order to reduce tension. Feels that he cannot do much about his existing problems and difficulties and that he must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.

YOUR DESIRED OBJECTIVE: Takes easily and quickly to anything which provides stimulation. Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature, whether erotically stimulating or otherwise. Wants to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality with an altogether charming and impressive influence on others. Uses tactics cleverly so as to avoid endangering his chances of success or undermined others' confidence in himself.

YOUR ACTUAL PROBLEM: Seeks to avoid criticism and to prevent restriction of his freedom to act, and to decide for himself by the exercise of great personal charm in his dealings with others.

...looks like i picked the right week to stop seeing a therapist :)